(Extract from the children's story manuscriptNot a bedtime story)
In a secluded corner of the forest, the Kung Fu Fighting Bunny floated above the ground in quiet meditation. Breathe in … and …. relax, he thought, gently breathing out. He enjoyed visiting this tranquil spot to meditate peacefully, while forest birds softly chirped in the trees above him. On the ground next to him lay his prized possession: the limited edition Super Deluxe Cirrus 2015 numchuckers.
The Kung Fu Fighting Bunny’s ears pricked up: something was rapidly crashing through the forest. With eyes still closed, he floated to the left, picked up his numchuckers and stuck them out in front of him, tripping whatever was running past him. ‘Aaaaaaah…’ Splat! ‘Batman pyjamas?’ he said, twitching his nose at the figure sprawled on the ground, ‘Interesting.’ He prodded it with his numchuckers. Goldilocks spat out the mouthful of twigs and dirt she scooped up as she crashed into the ground. ‘It’s rude talking with your mouth full,’ said the Kung Fu Fighting Bunny. Goldilocks brushed away her tangled red curls and straightened her ripped Batman pyjamas. ‘Who…?’ Goldilocks blinked. ‘Hey! Like, how are you doing that?’ ‘Doing what?’ ‘That,’ she pointed, ‘you’re like, flying!’ ‘I’m not flying. I’m levitating.’ ‘You’re what?’ The Kung Fu Fighting Bunny turned and hopped back into the forest. ‘Well, come on,’ he shouted. ‘Where are we going? It's dark already.’ Goldilocks sulked as she reluctantly followed him back through the forest. ‘And my feet hurt!’ The Kung Fu Fighting Bunny finally hopped into a large clearing where a bonfire blazed. Goldilocks cautiously approached the fire, holding out her shivering hands as numerous eyes blinked curiously at her through the darkness. No way am I running back into the forest, thought Goldilocks. She dropped to the ground exhausted and closed her eyes, while the Kung Fu Fighting Bunny covered her with a blanket. ‘Don’t let the bed bugs bite,’ he whispered, ‘there are a few big ones crawling around.’ As she drifted into a hazy sleep, Goldilocks had the weirdest dream about pigs, bears, sheep, goats, llamas, a wolf, a flying bunny and some odd-looking cows…
The sun’s morning rays spread across the sleeping Goldilocks. ‘What is it?’ asked the three wee Hairy Coo children, tentatively stepping closer. ‘Careful, it might bite!’ warned the little pig. ‘It’s a wee child,’ drawled the Hairy Coo, ‘But what’s it doing in the forest?’ ‘And why’s it wearing my Batman pyjamas?’ Little Bear demanded. The three pigs, three sheep, three goats, three llamas, the wolf and three angry bears crowded around the sleeping figure. ‘Is it alive?’ asked the wolf, sniffing one of her arms, ‘I wonder what it tastes like?’ The three pigs tugged at her matted, curly red locks. The Hairy Coo lowered his face towards Goldilocks and with his long tongue gave her a big, sloppy kiss. ‘Yuk,’ he spat, wiping his tongue, ‘The wee child tastes disgusting!’ ‘I’d say it’s an acquired taste,’ said the wolf, nibbling on Goldilocks’ elbow.
‘Oh gross! Ow - hey, stop biting my elbow!’ Her eyes widened. ‘Who...?’ Goldilocks slowly pulled the blanket up to her chin as the three bears, three pigs, three sheep, three goats, three llamas, the wolf, the Hairy Coo and the three wee Hairy Coo children stared back in disbelief. ‘And who are you?’ Daddy Bear growled, bearing his teeth. ‘I’m…I’m…I don’t know,’ Goldilocks cried. ‘I just … I don’t know!’ ‘Yeah, right,’ said the wolf. ‘Where … am I?’ she said, ‘How … did … I … get … here?’ The animals blinked warily at her. ‘I reckon she’s lying,’ said the wolf and stepped closer. ‘She does look a bit confused,’ Mummy Bear said, pulling the wolf away. ‘Aw, just a little taste…?’ ‘But why,’ insisted Little Bear, ‘is she wearing my Batman pyjamas?’